Given your content and choice of picture for last post, I'm going to have to presume this is a forced suicide. Im sad as I just found this site. Wonderful consistency with the hemlock though.
To 'Anonymous', and any others who have wondered why I stopped posting: There will be TWO posted replies to this due to length rules. THIS IS #1 reply. In 2015, I was diagnosed with 'metastatic disease', my 4th cancer diagnosis over a period of almost 50 years. At that time, it seemed that a rather radical surgery might at least prolong my life by removing yet another abdominal organ. Then, I developed congestive heart failure and 3 of my heart valves began to fail. I was designated a NON-surgical candidate. Hateful label! BUT, a most amazing cardiologist who, like me, had no fear of trying some 'extreme' treatments, also found THE perfect meds for me, managed to get me reclassified for "EMERGENCY surgery only". In mid-2016, full-body PET-CT discovered 3 new, much larger tumors in my spleen, a choledochal cyst in the pancreas (benign), a horrific gallbladder full of stones, bone lesions and COPD. Back to square one...no surgery. BUT, I COULD have a wondrous thing called 'radio-frequency ablation', IF a certain doctor at Vanderbilt agreed to try it on my 'oversized' tumors. Nope.Five cm was his limit. Mine were double that.
THIS IS 2nd REPLY to 'Anonymous'. NO ONE at the two cancer centers realized, until we found out by sheer accident, that a brave, also fearless young radiologist in a town nearby DID this procedure! NOBODY bothered to search for another near me, tho' I REPEATEDLY asked. Once I found him, he did the necessary pre-ablation technique needle biopsies, scans & other things that would show him exactly how to approach the ONLY ablation that could stop the tumor in its tracks. JOY! BUT, before we could try it, in late 2019, I had back-to-back, bilateral occipital lobe strokes, we found a tiny tumor on the optic nerve. Just before Christmas in 2020, I got diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoid cancer, the same type cancer my maternal grandma, my dad & my only sibling died of. Now, my prognosis in 2016 was 1 to 2 YEARS, in 2019, it reduced to 6 months to a year, and in 2020, that became 48 hours to 3 months when biopsies found the crazy growths in my liver & bones. I'm retired from medicine, have always been great at medical research, have dealt with similar diagnoses 3 times before, & set NO stock in doom/gloom predictions. I have NO fear of cancer, just unbridled HATRED. I was resuscitated TWICE during my first cancer surgery at age 19, was DECLARED dead after going through the windshield of a vehicle at age 36, so NOTHING 'medical science' tosses at me means much at all. I'M A TRUE WALKING MIRACLE! But, it became clear to me that both my failing vision & these now 5 'giant tumors' (greater than 10 centimeters) crowding my abdomen, pressing against my old heart when i sit in a chair, the cancer in the spine, both hip bones & thighs, just would not let me continue to write this blog the way I want to write it. I'd lose my train of thought. Between the need to juice all my food, do the 'alternative protocols' of almost 30 natural supplements, and deal with these damnable 'carcinoid crises' almost daily, it's hard to get 15 minutes to sit up & write. But, y'know, LOOK AT ME! I defy their prognoses, lived to see 2 more great-grandchildren born, celebrated another birthday & can still walk, with my 'zoom-zoom walker', & I am HERE, above ground, even if I do look like a cadaver! By what I say is the Grace of God, I YET LIVE! For how long we just don't know. You did pick up on the suicide aspect in the name & pics on my blog. I WAS suicidal from age 10 & survived some very thorough attempts to 'escape' the abuse of my mother. I was a FOOL to do so. Again, I believe that ONLY God spared me, so I gave that up forever. It's taken me over 2 hours to type this reply, working in an extra-large font, then copying that, putting it here in normal text. I tried to correct as many mistakes as I could but decided just now to hang the rest. Tho' i'd love to continue to write, I have learned the hard way that LIFE, living it to the fullest, wringing every drop out of it, being in this one precious present moment, is more important than tackling the deceit, the politics, the madness of this present world. It would take the majority of us REBELLING as we did in 1776 to 'fix' this mess. That's not gonna happen. TRUTH, HONOR, PATRIOTISM have become HATED things. We can but watch it all unfold now & prepare ourselves for the worst that is yet to come. I appreciate your giving a damn.
Hi Waninahi I have just found your blog today after breaking my heart by watching the Chernobyl 1986 movie then spending hours online looking for more information about it. I am so sorry to hear of your tumors and medical pain. I thank you so sincerely for all of the content you have worked so hard to produce here. As I have only just found this blog, I have a lot to look through, so although I am sad to see you no longer able to post.. I want to say, thank you so much for everything you have done so far. I hope that you are in a comfortable loving place in life right now and that the pain is too much. You have done an excellent job in life. Best wishes
Dam, I am going to miss this site. It was truth to the T...
ReplyDeletePeace...
I should have explained why, & just did in 2 replies to 'Anonymous' below.
DeleteThank you for reading & caring.
Given your content and choice of picture for last post, I'm going to have to presume this is a forced suicide. Im sad as I just found this site. Wonderful consistency with the hemlock though.
ReplyDeleteTo 'Anonymous', and any others who have wondered why I stopped posting:
DeleteThere will be TWO posted replies to this due to length rules.
THIS IS #1 reply. In 2015, I was diagnosed with 'metastatic disease', my 4th cancer diagnosis over a period of almost 50 years.
At that time, it seemed that a rather radical surgery might at least prolong my life by removing yet another abdominal organ.
Then, I developed congestive heart failure and 3 of my heart valves began to fail. I was designated a NON-surgical candidate. Hateful label!
BUT, a most amazing cardiologist who, like me, had no fear of trying some 'extreme' treatments, also found THE perfect meds for me, managed to get me reclassified for "EMERGENCY surgery only".
In mid-2016, full-body PET-CT discovered 3 new, much larger tumors in my spleen, a choledochal cyst in the pancreas (benign), a horrific gallbladder full of stones, bone lesions and COPD.
Back to square one...no surgery.
BUT, I COULD have a wondrous thing called 'radio-frequency ablation', IF a certain doctor at Vanderbilt agreed to try it on my 'oversized' tumors.
Nope.Five cm was his limit. Mine were double that.
THIS IS 2nd REPLY to 'Anonymous'.
DeleteNO ONE at the two cancer centers realized, until we found out by sheer accident, that a brave, also fearless young radiologist in a town nearby DID this procedure! NOBODY bothered to search for another near me, tho' I REPEATEDLY asked.
Once I found him, he did the necessary pre-ablation technique needle biopsies, scans & other things that would show him exactly how to approach the ONLY ablation that could stop the tumor in its tracks.
JOY!
BUT, before we could try it, in late 2019, I had back-to-back, bilateral occipital lobe strokes, we found a tiny tumor on the optic nerve.
Just before Christmas in 2020, I got diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoid cancer, the same type cancer my maternal grandma, my dad & my only sibling died of.
Now, my prognosis in 2016 was 1 to 2 YEARS, in 2019, it reduced to 6 months to a year, and in 2020, that became 48 hours to 3 months when biopsies found the crazy growths in my liver & bones.
I'm retired from medicine, have always been great at medical research, have dealt with similar diagnoses 3 times before, & set NO stock in doom/gloom predictions. I have NO fear of cancer, just unbridled HATRED.
I was resuscitated TWICE during my first cancer surgery at age 19, was DECLARED dead after going through the windshield of a vehicle at age 36, so NOTHING 'medical science' tosses at me means much at all.
I'M A TRUE WALKING MIRACLE!
But, it became clear to me that both my failing vision & these now 5 'giant tumors' (greater than 10 centimeters) crowding my abdomen, pressing against my old heart when i sit in a chair, the cancer in the spine, both hip bones & thighs, just would not let me continue to write this blog the way I want to write it. I'd lose my train of thought.
Between the need to juice all my food, do the 'alternative protocols' of almost 30 natural supplements, and deal with these damnable 'carcinoid crises' almost daily, it's hard to get 15 minutes to sit up & write.
But, y'know, LOOK AT ME!
I defy their prognoses, lived to see 2 more great-grandchildren born, celebrated another birthday & can still walk, with my 'zoom-zoom walker', & I am HERE, above ground, even if I do look like a cadaver!
By what I say is the Grace of God, I YET LIVE!
For how long we just don't know.
You did pick up on the suicide aspect in the name & pics on my blog. I WAS suicidal from age 10 & survived some very thorough attempts to 'escape' the abuse of my mother. I was a FOOL to do so.
Again, I believe that ONLY God spared me, so I gave that up forever.
It's taken me over 2 hours to type this reply, working in an extra-large font, then copying that, putting it here in normal text. I tried to correct as many mistakes as I could but decided just now to hang the rest.
Tho' i'd love to continue to write, I have learned the hard way that LIFE, living it to the fullest, wringing every drop out of it, being in this one precious present moment, is more important than tackling the deceit, the politics, the madness of this present world. It would take the majority of us REBELLING as we did in 1776 to 'fix' this mess.
That's not gonna happen.
TRUTH, HONOR, PATRIOTISM have become HATED things.
We can but watch it all unfold now & prepare ourselves for the worst that is yet to come.
I appreciate your giving a damn.
Hi Waninahi
ReplyDeleteI have just found your blog today after breaking my heart by watching the Chernobyl 1986 movie then spending hours online looking for more information about it. I am so sorry to hear of your tumors and medical pain. I thank you so sincerely for all of the content you have worked so hard to produce here. As I have only just found this blog, I have a lot to look through, so although I am sad to see you no longer able to post.. I want to say, thank you so much for everything you have done so far. I hope that you are in a comfortable loving place in life right now and that the pain is too much. You have done an excellent job in life. Best wishes
To 'Unknown' of Aug. 3--
DeleteThank you for reading & commenting.
Your comment is sincerely appreciated.
May your blessings fall like rain.